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Literature Text
Stacks of my favorite books filled with my favorite quotes...I read them over and over, and not one of them fits this moment of uncertainty. Life is changing very fast.
Against my feelings, my judgment, I've almost decided that you do not care for me. At least not enough to hold me. You pull me in when you don't want me to leave. But once you have me again, you let go. I'm not judging you. It's not your fault. You've had a lifetime of people that treated you how no human should ever be treated. You're a phenomenal parent, and you love your job with a sense of loyalty and honor that nothing can compare to. And your biggest fear is failing those that depend on you.
But there's no room for me in your life. No room to love me or to fail me. Someday, there may be. But I'm the one standing in front of you now, and I feel so very alone. And this is not my fault either. I expect a lot. I need a lot. I come from my own lifetime of hurt, of being mistreated and alone, despite being in a relationship. So I guess I'm just tired of being alone. I'm tired of being the one who cares more, and I don't want to be a convenience, or someone you get bored of after a month or two.
Your presence means so much to me. You held a place in my life that anyone else has not been able to hold. So I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm doing this because I care too much for you. I'm not even sure what I do matters to you. You once called me yours. I never asked to be your wife. I just wanted to be worth enough that you would fight for me, that you would work towards something. I wanted your time. I wanted to know that I was worth more than a few hours of intimacy a month, or a few conversations every three days. And now I just want you to look at me and tell me you want me to stay.
I'm going to give this a few months, and then I will say goodbye, fade away, and move on. I had really hoped things could be different. Please know how much you mean to me. Thank you for the time you gave me. I will cherish it always.
Against my feelings, my judgment, I've almost decided that you do not care for me. At least not enough to hold me. You pull me in when you don't want me to leave. But once you have me again, you let go. I'm not judging you. It's not your fault. You've had a lifetime of people that treated you how no human should ever be treated. You're a phenomenal parent, and you love your job with a sense of loyalty and honor that nothing can compare to. And your biggest fear is failing those that depend on you.
But there's no room for me in your life. No room to love me or to fail me. Someday, there may be. But I'm the one standing in front of you now, and I feel so very alone. And this is not my fault either. I expect a lot. I need a lot. I come from my own lifetime of hurt, of being mistreated and alone, despite being in a relationship. So I guess I'm just tired of being alone. I'm tired of being the one who cares more, and I don't want to be a convenience, or someone you get bored of after a month or two.
Your presence means so much to me. You held a place in my life that anyone else has not been able to hold. So I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm doing this because I care too much for you. I'm not even sure what I do matters to you. You once called me yours. I never asked to be your wife. I just wanted to be worth enough that you would fight for me, that you would work towards something. I wanted your time. I wanted to know that I was worth more than a few hours of intimacy a month, or a few conversations every three days. And now I just want you to look at me and tell me you want me to stay.
I'm going to give this a few months, and then I will say goodbye, fade away, and move on. I had really hoped things could be different. Please know how much you mean to me. Thank you for the time you gave me. I will cherish it always.
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